


Boss, What Boss?

by Ytteb



Category: NCIS
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-27 13:23:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6286363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ytteb/pseuds/Ytteb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gibbs goes on vacation and the team are reassigned in his absence. That's bound to go well. Or not!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boss, What Boss?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs strode purposefully into the squad room after a two week vacation. Something about his confident air lived up to every syllable of his distinctive name but someone with a discerning eye might have detected a touch of nervousness about him. A discerning eye such as that belonging to his old friend Dr Donald Mallard. The medical examiner, however, did not just have a discerning eye but also a fine sense of self-preservation which had led to him deciding not to be the first to welcome Jethro back from his time away. That 'privilege' was left to Director Leon Vance who was the one waiting for Gibbs.

Gibbs cast a knowing eye over Vance and rather suspected that the Director was thinking about growing his hair so he could tear it out in this moment of stress. Gibbs took a moment to ponder whether he should spend some time whittling some toothpicks for Leon and then noticed that his team was noticeably absent. His eyes narrowed as he remembered that, against his wishes, the Director had decided to reassign his team while Gibbs was away. It was this reassignment that accounted for the touch of nervousness about Gibbs' demeanour.

Bishop had been sent to take some courses at FLETC while McGee and DiNozzo had been allocated to two other teams. DiNozzo had been sent to be Senior Field Agent to Agent Hereward McNab's team while McGee had been due to give support to new team lead Eliza Doolittle. Gibbs had been silently (he knew few other ways) supportive of this move as he could not imagine how DiNozzo would have resisted mangling a name like Doolittle although he also had doubts about the name Hereward.

"Leon," said Gibbs. This was his version of a friendly greeting.

"Gibbs," said Vance fervently. It almost appeared he was glad to see his nemesis returning.

"Where's my team?" asked Gibbs.

"Bishop will be back at the end of the week," said Vance.

"She was due back today," said Gibbs sternly.

"Ah," said Vance, "turned out that the courses took longer than expected."

"Yeah?" said Gibbs.

"You know Bishop. She asked a lot of questions."

"Yeah?"

"And disagreed with a lot of the answers."

"Ah," said Gibbs as he pictured the scene in Bishop's classes. "OK. What about McGee? DiNozzo?"

Vance ran a hand over his head, obviously wishing there was something there to tug on, but then straightening as he remembered that he was the respected head of a federal agency. Well, respected by some people if not by the man in front of him. He opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by another voice,

"Agent Gibbs! Thank God, you're back!"

Gibbs turned to look at this new arrival and quirked an eyebrow. The quirking was partly in surprise at being greeted with such fervour as he usually only received such a warm welcome from Abby. The other reason for the quirk was that the newcomer had abundant hair which he obviously been spending a lot of time tugging at in distress.

"Agent McNab," said Vance with a hint of coolness, "I told you I would deal with this."

Gibbs took a sip of coffee as he recognised Agent McNab as the leader of the team to which DiNozzo had been assigned in his absence and he now understood the reason for the distress.

"Tell me you're going to take him back," said McNab anxiously.

Gibbs gazed at Hereward and took another mouthful of coffee.

"He's driving me mad," said McNab with a touch of hysteria, "how do you put up with it?"

"With what?" said Gibbs coolly. Criticism of his team was his privilege and he guarded it jealously.

"The constant talking?" said Hereward, "Does he ever stop?"

Gibbs shrugged; it was a legitimate question and not everyone had developed the Gibbs ability to tune out the DiNozzo din. And not everyone had the Gibbs glare waiting to be deployed when needed.

"I've got a new, impressionable probationary agent on my team," said McNab, "what sort of example is he to her? His way of extracting information is questionable in so many ways." He paused to pull at a stray lock of hair but didn't seem to get much satisfaction from the exercise.

"I understand," said Vance soothingly, "but …"

"No, you don't understand, Director," said Hereward heatedly, "it's been unbearable. If this continues I think I may have to report it to Internal Affairs. I'm not sure if it's legal. It certainly feels like harassment to me."

"Agent McNab," said Vance kindly but firmly, "I'm sure there's no need to take things that far. Why don't you go back to your team and review those personnel files I sent you. We can discuss your staffing needs later."

McNab belatedly smoothed his hair down and tried to pull himself together, "Yes, Director. Of course." He turned to go back but paused, "Agent Gibbs. I don't know what to think. You must be a saint to put up with him."

Gibbs' eyebrow got some more exercise as he considered this unusual compliment. He didn't think he'd ever been called a saint before.

"Either that," added McNab, "or you made him the way he is."

Gibbs inclined his head as he wondered if he could possibly be blamed for DiNozzo's chattiness and general DiNozziness. He shrugged again and watched Hereward walk away. He thought he might ask Ducky what the stress of having a name like Hereward did to the psyche; Ducky would be sure to have an opinion.

"The reassignments have been interesting," said Vance with a grimace.

Gibbs took an eloquent sip of coffee and waited for the Director to continue.

"Oh, you're back," came a female voice.

Gibbs felt a touch of annoyance at how busy  _his_  team's space was that morning but he didn't feel any real resentment at the tone of the woman's voice: he was accustomed to that note of disappointment in female voices.

"Agent Doolittle," said Vance, "I don't think you've met Agent Gibbs in person? Agent Gibbs, meet our new team lead Agent Eliza Doolittle."

Gibbs looked at his new fellow supervisor and nodded in greeting. Doolittle was in her early thirties with a military bearing which hinted at her former career.

"Gibbs," she said politely, "I was almost hoping you wouldn't be coming back."

"Yeah?" said Gibbs.

"Yes," she confirmed, "I intend asking the Director if the temporary assignment can be made permanent. Your agent has been admirable. He has been enormously helpful in helping me to settle into my new position and has been an excellent role model to the junior members of my team."

"Well," began Vance.

"And," continued Eliza, "I would say that Gibbs' team is unbalanced."

Gibbs began to bristle at this second insult to the MCRT but Doolittle realised that she had chosen her words poorly.

"I mean that Agent Gibbs' team has two very experienced agents. Shouldn't they be spread around a bit more? In the interests of efficiency? In the interests of balance?"

Vance found himself agreeing in principle but quailed at the thought of breaking up Gibbs' team. He had done it once in the interests of national security but couldn't imagine doing so again unless directly ordered by the US President and even then he would prefer to resign.

"Thank you, Eliza," he said soothingly, "I will discuss this with Agent Gibbs later. Now, why don't we go and talk about the requirements of your team?"

Doolittle sniffed disapprovingly and left reluctantly with the Director. Gibbs watched her go, thinking he might have to ask Ducky about the psychological effects of  _her_  unfortunate name. There had been occasions when Gibbs had regretted Jackson's choice of name for his only son but he was beginning to think he had got off lightly.

"Boss! You're back!" came Tony DiNozzo's delighted voice.

"Good observation skills, DiNozzo," said Gibbs a little grimly. He was pleased to see Tony but the warm feeling was somewhat reduced by finding out how Agent McNab had reacted to him.

"Missed you," said Tony apparently oblivious to the finer shades of Gibbs' response.

"Hmm," said Gibbs noncommittally.

"Although newBoss was OK," said Tony fairly, not wanting to criticize, "and I think we bonded. I tried to be helpful."

Gibbs gazed at Tony. He knew that, in many ways, DiNozzo was an excellent agent and had superb observational abilities but sometimes he lacked interpersonal skills and didn't realise when he was being annoying.

"Your 'newBoss'," said Gibbs drily, "is thinking of reporting you to Internal Affairs."

"What?" said Tony. The look of betrayal on his face was almost comical. "But I was so helpful! I really thought we were getting along." He sat down heavily at his desk looking glum.

"DiNozzo," began Gibbs, "I guess you're an acquired taste."

"Kate was right," said Tony mournfully, "when she said that being with me was like Stockholm Syndrome. Bonding out of desperation. But, Boss, I tried. Really I did."

"OK," said Gibbs almost soothingly, "we'll talk about it. I'll get Internal Affairs called off."

"Thanks, Boss," said a clearly still shaken Tony. "Wow. Talk about two-faced." He continued to mutter to himself as he switched his computer back on.

"Hey, Boss," came Tim's voice, "good vacation?"

"Yeah. Thanks, McGee," said Gibbs as he greeted Tim, grateful that at least one member of his team had shone in his absence. It wasn't that he really cared for anyone else's opinion but complaints tended to generate paperwork and he suspected that DiNozzo had already caused him enough of a headache.

"Glad you're back," said Tim, "made me realise this team's not so bad after all."

If Gibbs' eyebrow had been sentient it might have groaned at the amount of exercise it was receiving. McGee seemed to realise he had been less than tactful, "Um, I mean, not you, Boss. Obviously. But I see now that other supervisors are … well … not so … not as good as you."

Gibbs softened his glare a little.

"You mean other Bosses don't put up with the geekspeak, McVoluble?" said Tony as he tried to return to normal.

McGee chose not to answer this directly. "Yeah, missed you too, Tony! Not!"

Tony beamed as he chose to take this as a compliment but his face fell as he saw Agent Doolittle approaching him. Director Vance was just behind her.

"Agent Doolittle," he said politely but coolly.

"Tony," she replied warmly. She then nodded frostily towards Tim, "Agent McGee."

Gibbs was puzzled but before he could explore further, Agent McNab returned.

"Director Vance!" he said excitedly, "I've been reading up on regulations about extraction of information and I still feel I should make a formal complaint!"

"Hey, Wardie," said Tony jovially, "you still on for squash at lunchtime?"

Gibbs shook his head at Tony's obtuseness and wondered whether the elevator was available for a 'conference'. He watched as the Director ushered Hereward away and reasoned that Vance would want the problem to go away as much as he did.

"Good guy," mused Tony, "I liked working with him." He looked up and corrected himself, "Not as much as I enjoy working with you, Boss. Of course. No way, José."

"I don't think he's that good, Tony," said McGee in an aggrieved tone. "He's stuck in the past. Doesn't appreciate new ways of doing things at all. I had to explain the basics of hard drives five times and he still didn't understand it." McGee wasn't looking at Gibbs but seemed to sense the eyebrow movement, "Um. Not that understanding the hard drive is essential to the role of team leader, Boss," he added hastily.

"Glad to hear it, McGee," said Gibbs as his approval of McGee's behaviour went down. "Get back to work, both of you!"

As McGee and DiNozzo obediently bent their heads to their work and silence fell on the squad room, Gibbs' sharp hearing picked up a discussion between McNab and Doolittle as they walked towards the break room.

"If you don't report him, Hereward," said Eliza, "I will. The man's a menace."

"I agree," said Hereward, "he might bring down the Agency if his behaviour is allowed to go unchecked."

Gibbs sighed and decided he would have to deal with the latest DiNozzo debacle sooner rather than later. He stood up and was about to summon Tony to the elevator when Ducky arrived in cheerful mood. He nodded courteously to Hereward and Eliza and then entered the squad room.

"Ah," he said, "the team is restored. Well, apart from Eleanor who will doubtless be returning soon filled with new knowledge and skills. Jethro, I trust you had a pleasant vacation? The restorative powers of a holiday are not to be underestimated, you know. Did I ever tell you about the time I vacationed in Dares Salaam? It was a most fascinating time but unfortunately I had to leave rather earlier than I had anticipated. I met a rather alluring young woman named Marcia. Well, she was alluring on first acquaintance but I soon discovered that she had designs on one Donald Mallard and, while she was undoubtedly attractive, matrimony was not …"

"Thanks, Duck," said Gibbs brutally cutting into this anecdote, "I had a good time. Although it might be wearing off a bit."

"Indeed?" said Ducky solicitously, "and why would that be?"

"Seems some members of my team have been causing problems," said Gibbs grimly, directing a glare at Tony who looked back innocently.

"Ah," said Ducky as he remembered why he had made sure he was not the first person to greet Gibbs that morning, "you heard about that, did you?"

"Yes," said Gibbs continuing to stare at Tony.

"Hey," said Tony, "it wasn't my fault."

"You think?" said Gibbs irately.

"You can't hold me responsible," protested Tony.

"You think?" repeated Gibbs, "Watch me."

"That's not fair," said Tony sulkily.

"Far be it from me to interfere in the way you run your team, Jethro," said Ducky hesitantly, "but I think Anthony may have a point."

"You do, do you?" said Gibbs turning his glare on Ducky.

"Um, perhaps not," said Ducky thinking better of his remarks, "come to think of it, I have a petty officer awaiting my ministrations. I will return to him."

"You do that," advised Gibbs.

Ducky scuttled off. Tony sighed heavily.

"Something the matter, DiNozzo?" asked Gibbs.

"It just seems unfair," said Tony, "I tried my best. Did everything right. But I didn't realise …"

"Realise what?" demanded Gibbs.

"I didn't realise I was still responsible for McGee even though I wasn't working with him."

"What?" asked Gibbs in a surprised voice.

"I guess I should have known," said Tony philosophically, "But honestly, Boss, how do you think Tim would have reacted to having three people telling him what to do?"

"Three?" asked Gibbs.

"Me, Agent McNab and Agent Doolittle."

"Why was Agent McNab telling McGee what to do?" asked Gibbs beginning to bristle at this apparent widespread ordering around of Tim. "McGee was on Doolittle's team."

"Um," said McGee hesitantly, "that didn't work out too well."

"Uh?" asked Gibbs.

"Eliza isn't very technical minded," said Tony.

"She's a dinosaur," said Tim bitterly, "how did she become team lead anyway?"

"And Tim might have accidentally said that in front of her," said Tony.

"Wasn't an accident," said Tim under his breath.

"So the Director decided it would be best to swap us," said Tony, "I came off Wardie's team and went on to Eliza's."

"So McNab was threatening to report  _McGee_  to Internal Affairs?" said Gibbs in a wondering voice.

"He was even more of a dinosaur than Doolittle," huffed McGee, "I was trying to bring him in the twentieth century. Bringing him in the  _twenty-first_  century was a step too far."

"Wardie needs gentle handling," said Tony. "He's sensitive. Doesn't really like being lectured."

"I wasn't lecturing him," said Tim earnestly, "I was just trying to get it through his thick skull."

"And Agent McNab is a bit 'by the book'," said Tony thoughtfully. "He doesn't really approve of  _hacking."_

"Ah," said Gibbs as light began to dawn, "so that's what he meant when he talked about  _extraction of information_? I thought …"

"What, Boss?" asked Tony.

Gibbs decided not to tell Tony that he'd thought McNab had been complaining about Tony flirting with witnesses but asked instead, "He said you never stopped talking, Tim?"

"I thought he'd be interested to know how I did things," said Tim defensively, "and it was interesting for the other team member to know."

"And Agent Doolittle thought  _you_  were a model agent?" said Gibbs to Tony.

"I thought you said she was reporting me to Internal Affairs?" said a puzzled Tony.

"No, not her," said Gibbs, " _McNab_  said he was reporting  _his_  agent to IA."

"But I wasn't his agent," said Tony, "well, not at the end."

"I didn't know that," said Gibbs as patiently as possible, "as far as I knew it was McGee with Doolittle and you with McNab. So when McNab complained about his agent I thought he meant you."

"Oh," said Tony as he unpicked this is his head. Then he brightened and said, "So Doolittle thought I was great?"

"Yes," said Gibbs, "A role model to the rest of the team."

"Wow," said Tony, "and Hereward nearly cried when Vance moved me off his team. He gave me a commendation, you know."

"Good," said Gibbs absently before turning to McGee, "what did you do, Tim?" he asked.

"Well," said Tim, "well, I guess …"

"He was just being McGeek," said Tony, "we forgot to give the other teams their timmunisations."

"Their what?" asked Gibbs.

"You know," said Tony, "we're used to the McGeeisms but the others aren't. We should have immunised them in readiness. Given them  _tim_ munisations."

"Back to work," said Gibbs, as he decided further investigation was pointless. "I'm going to see the Director." He ran up the stairs trying to ignore the continued discussion about when a long explanation became a lecture.

"Leon," said Gibbs, as he erupted into the Director's office, "what's going on?"

"Apart from DiNozzo becoming everyone's favourite and McGee being kicked out by one team lead and reported to Internal Affairs by the other?" said Vance gloomily as his world view shook on its foundations.

"Pretty much," agreed Gibbs.

"McNab has agreed not to report McGee," said Vance. "He took some persuading."

"Good," said Gibbs.

"But there's a price."

"What?" said Gibbs warily.

"He wants DiNozzo for two weeks."

"Why?"

"To reinforce patterns of good behaviour in his other team member," said Vance in a tone of some disbelief.

"DiNozzo?" said Gibbs.

"Who knew?" said Vance, "seems that DiNozzo decided to be on his best behaviour."

"One week," said Gibbs firmly.

"Two weeks," said Vance equally strongly. He saw Gibbs about to fight back and continued, "It's either two weeks or McGee goes back to FLETC for a week's training."

"OK," said Gibbs agreeably, "do that. A week's training won't hurt."

"Won't hurt McGee," said Vance gloomily, "but FLETC's already in crisis having Bishop there. Can't risk what would happen if we add McGee to the mix. McNab can have DiNozzo for two weeks."

Gibbs glared at Vance. Vance glared back at Gibbs but this was one fight the Director knew he couldn't afford to lose.

"No more TAD for DiNozzo," bargained Gibbs.

"Agreed," said Vance, "although Doolittle's got her eye on him."

"And no more TAD for McGee," added Gibbs.

"Done," said Vance promptly.

Gibbs got up.

"And Gibbs," said Vance.

"Yes?"

"Your next leave request."

"What about it?" asked Gibbs.

"It's denied. I'm not letting you leave your team unattended."

Gibbs went away with a spring in his step. Life was good after all!

 

**Author's Note:**

> I think Tim might take a bit of getting used to by another team!


End file.
